~child-proof

cold cold water.

Profile

Gallery

Prints

Faves

Journal

Devious Journal Entry

Thu Jul 2, 2009, 3:42 PM

_{So, I think I may have everything figured out. I mean, not really, but like, in terms of... well. I don't know.
I thinks there has to be a reason that I've stopped giving it my all, especially concerning relationships. I mean, there was a point I would never turn someone down, and I'd be really happy knowing someone else liked me. I don't have that anymore. I really don't care. Yeah, relationships are great, I love them. But, I haven't found them as rewarding. They're just there, sitting, making no difference aside from the constant talking with one another, but I mean, other than that, it's nothing.
I have no problem now making out with a different person everyday of the week. This doesn't phase me at all. I don't feel any guilt, or jealously if they go with someone else. It all became completely meaningless to me.
So, as Aubree and I were sitting outside of Wawa at two in the morning, I think I figured it out. Of course, this was when we, being the awesome emotional masochists we are, looked through our old saved texts that should be deleted but aren't.
I have my standards set too high. I'm looking for something I had a little over a year ago. I want that, and I don't believe that there is anything like that out there, and, if there is, it's going to end the same way. So, I'm looking but ruining all my chances with these extraordinary standards that should never be fulfilled for reasons that nobody in the world can be that perfect, so obviously something horrible is going to go down.
Sexually, I'm confused as fuck. I don't even know anymore. I've given up with labels.}

Current mental status: emotionally fucked.

10 Comments

Mood: Not Impressed
Listening to: the Chemical Brothers.
Reading: The Glass Bead Game- Hesse.

Devious Comments

love 1 1

~~joy 0 0~~

~~wow 0 0~~

~~mad 0 0~~

~~sad 0 0~~

~~fear 0 0~~

~~neutral 0 0~~

~ModestInvader Jul 2, 2009, 5:24:23 PM

YAY BEING EMO IN FRONT OF WAWA AT TWO AM!

--
You just lost THE GAME :]

[link] <---cool stuff

~child-proof Jul 2, 2009, 6:06:18 PM

_WOO.

--
_{"is the search for god absurd?"
"it is if everyone dies alone."}

~wonderworldofnight Jul 3, 2009, 5:11:39 PM

you just haven't found the right person yet...(s)he'll come along...

i think we'll all look back at how we are now some day, maybe 10 yrs from now, and laugh at how pathetic we were, you with your emotional fuckedness, me with my annoying innocence...

~tsukiko7 Jul 3, 2009, 6:37:48 PM

~child-proof Jul 5, 2009, 2:34:54 PM

_:]

--
_{"is the search for god absurd?"
"it is if everyone dies alone."}

~child-proof Jul 5, 2009, 2:36:07 PM

_{though, getting out of a state of mind isn't as easy as one may think.
i'm hoping this lack of attachment will leave, eventually.}

--
_{"is the search for god absurd?"
"it is if everyone dies alone."}

*Miss-Deathwish Jul 16, 2009, 7:01:44 AM

x 387483274987234987239487239847!

imma kill all those mofos who don't treat you right. haha.
i can sort of relate with how you feel.. before carlos i really had issues with relationships. really fucking big issues. but just know it'll pass, even though it can take time. and know that during the time it takes, i still love you to the moon and back and then around the sun and then back to garden golf and around the go-kart track. yeah. : D

! x jesus x infinity

(i just hadda throw jesus in there somewhere)

--


keep your head above this water.

~child-proof Jul 17, 2009, 4:34:46 PM

_{there are no words for how much i love you and how much i'm going to die a little on the inside of i don't see you soon :].}

--
_{"is the search for god absurd?"
"it is if everyone dies alone."}